You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
