Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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