I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize