butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
