guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
