I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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