I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
