I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think I died a long time ago.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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