So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
