There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
