I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
we're so committed to being not committed
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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