So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i will never coherently bang her
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize