I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
