I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just sucked dick on a ferry
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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