I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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