Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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