PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
