I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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