a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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