Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
