party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You smell like stripper and shame
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize