Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
