remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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