I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
