WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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