Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Randomize