I need help removing her.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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