Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
