just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
