The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
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