I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
