You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
