She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
