I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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