omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Found your dick twin last night
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
