My liver just broke up with me...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
