If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
