a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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