The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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