im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
