return my video game
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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