So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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