Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
