Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
