Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
