sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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