He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize