Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
