Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
