She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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