So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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