Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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