sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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