david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
