Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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