those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
