bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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