i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
