im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
