Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
