O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
