Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
