What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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