dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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