Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
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