turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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