I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
