If that was your dad, he is hot
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
