someone get that fucking seahorse.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Randomize
